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out of difficult spots, is certainly a behavior i am well acquainted with, even after a minute clean. a quick rationalization or justification, read LIE, feels as if it will be enough so i do not have to feel the heat from my bad behavior. oftentimes, that may be the case, fortunately, one of the gifts of recovery is a conscience, so most of my “wrong” doings will be corrected with a daily inventory. BLAH-BLAH-BLAH
although this seemed like the topic that popped off the stack this morning, my quick jaunt around the 'hood this morning, brought some other stuff to the surface. just as my workout yesterday allowed me the freedom to see the solution to my sprinkler issue, so my exercise this morning revealed that i really am all done with my current employer. i have absolutely no loyalty to them and i really do not care what happens the next two days at work. i will be taking care of what i am supposed to do and exactly that, not one drop more. i will also be preparing to get the fVck out of dodge for a bit and see if the Aegean Sea agrees with me. as i do my best to get my stuff done, so it does not fall on to the shoulders of my teammates, i wonder why bother? after all, they were less than diligent in taking care of my early Sunday morning, and preventing me from raising the roof because they forgot to disable monitors, or take the courtesy to inform me of what they were doing. yesterday, i wanted to burn the place down. today, i just want to walk away with my head held high, knowing that i did what i could to get my stuff gone by the time i am gone.
because of choices i made earlier, i still have a shit ton of steps to walk today, but i am okay with that. i have learned that living in a fantasy world means never having to “own” anything and these days, i certainly “own” my stuff, even when i do not want to. 😭 😭 😭
so it is off to the big box store and the coffee shop, as i really have nothing to do at work. there is no guilt, no rationalizations or justifications that need to be thrown around, it just is -> nothing to do, so take care of my stuff. it is a good day to be honest and clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞