Blog entry for:

thank GOD i got beyond being a 30 day wonder. and it was not easy. outside influences allowed me the freedom of getting past the differences. yes meetings can be boring, my friends in the program still suffer from their character defects and the old life can see very appealing when viewed through euphoric recall. but i made a decision that i could stay clean no matter what and have stuck to that with the same tenacity that i showed when it came time to score.
even today there are times i start to believe that maybe there would be a way that i could return to using and do it on a social basis. after all, i am not so different form those normies i see out there that drink only half a beverage or only use once a year as part of some celebration. and this is a lie what exactly makes me think that i am much different in this respect from when i arrived at the rooms? long periods of abstinence? the completion of a cycle of steps? a healthy growing relationship? some understanding of how i think and what my motives are? while all of these things are good in of themselves none of them have altered the physical fact that i never and i mean NEVER EVER used in a social manner, even when i first got high. i still cannot get through an entire day without a desire to avoid a feeling. and i still make poor decisions from time to time. the very symptoms of the disease of addiction. it still is all about me even after a few days in recovery and that fact demonstrates that i have yet to be cured of the disease of addiction. all i get is a daily reprieve if i continue to do what i have done since i got here. namely take suggestions from those around me, read our literature, attend meetings, work the steps and not use anything no matter what.
it is all a matter of perspective, LIFE is good today and better that it has ever been, so just for today i choose to recover regardless of how boring recovery may seem today
-- DT --