Blog entry for:

right here, right now, the last thing i want to be is spiritual. the last thing i want is to live the way of life that the fellowship that saved my life suggests i should. this morning i feel trapped in insanity and i want to run away, far away where no one can find me. i do not really know what is up, i feel confined, crowded, and put upon. even though i am willing to do what it takes, this morning i am not sure what that may be. today all i want to be is alone!
and of course i realize that is a symptom of something else going on. this morning feels like one of my ‘grey’ days. i remember when i was in active addiction i called days like this black, and perhaps this will degenerate into one of those. nothing or no one is good enough this morning including me. perhaps it is just the onset of seasonally affected depression. perhaps it is the onset of the flu or a cold. or maybe it is a wake-up call for me to start making progress on my step work once again. or WHATEVER!
i do know that i really do not want to use. i do know that i really do not want to run and hide. what i do not know is how to pull my head out of my ass and move forward with living this morning. so i will do what i always do " fake it until i make it! " i will do what is put in front of me, and have FAITH that this too shall pass. after all, i have yet to die from a feeling!
∞ DT ∞