Blog entry for:

when i practice these spiritual principles on a daily basis in all my affairs, i can leave the results up to my Higher Power.
so for the strangest reason on this wet, cold and gloomy morning, i am feeling like i need to write something hopeful, well perhaps NEED is not the proper word, more like i want to write something hopeful.
it is true that when i came to recovery, i did live in the moment, acting on impulse, without any remorse for my past actions except not getting enough, and very little concern about the future, except how to get more. the effects of the substances that i took, removed most of the concerns about the past and future from my immediate awareness. so becoming abstinent took away the only method i had for living in the here and now, leaving me with a pile of sh*t to look at!
i am grateful that there is replacement therapy for learning how to live in the moment. since i was not and am still not one of those that just accept on FAITH anything at all, this whole concept of putting my will and my life into the care of anything was daunting to me to say the least. even letting the drugs remove my worries was not something that happened the first time i got high, it took years for me to become blissfully numb to where i was going and where i was coming from. i am certainly grateful that i was in such dire straits when i decided to accept recovery that i could compress that process into a matter of months. do not get me wrong, i am not one of those who were struck clean and fell into the light of total surrender, even after the moment i began to accept that i was pretty bad at managing my own will and life and needed the care of a HIGHER POWER. over time, i saw the evidence that i had finally found a manner of living that allowed me to be FREE and to surrender my past and my future to something that is GREATER THAN ME. i still periodically rebel against this whole concept, and have to try and do it MY WAY just to see what happens. the hope is that i can see that once again my best thinking is not what is best for me and my future, nor is it the best manner in which to handle my past and i am left to the decision to surrender my will and my life once again.
i know i spoke of writing about HOPE and that is truly the crux of this whole little piece of writing. i can stumble, i can rebel, i can make mistakes, BUT all i have to do is make the decision to surrender and i am once again on the right track -- JUST LIKE THAT! so with action comes consequences, the action of living a THIRD STEP has the consequence of living in the moment comfortably accepting my past and gratefully letting go of my future.
and on that bit a of HOPEFUL thinking i surrender this to the cyber world and submit it for your consideration.

∞ DT ∞