Blog entry for:

right here and right now. for me these days when i consider my recovery, i can take two related but separate tracks. there is my recovery from active addiction and repairing the damage i did to myself and the world around me. there is also my physical recovery from the injury that sidelined me a little over a year ago. living in a “just for today” mode is easy for the former, the latter, however, not so much. i know what it takes to live a spiritual program of recovery, after all i have e few days clean and ion active recovery under my belt. physical recovery from my overuse and improper gait injury, messes me up. there is good news on that front, and news that fills me with a bit of optimism, as i was able to run one and a half miles yesterday without pain. not very fast and in half mile increments, so i may yet be able to run a 10K by Memorial Day. i have yet to learn how to foretell the future, but my success yesterday does bode better than i have been subject to believe about returning to one of my favorite activities.
as i considered the topic of optimism this morning, what kept bubbling up to the surface was thoughts about three of the men who call me their sponsor and what sort of action i may need to take, to assist them in their journeys. it cam,e back to equality versus equity. the question is do i treat them all the same, or do i continue to tailor my guidance to what i think their needs happen to be. if i go the equality route, my work is minimal, as i will use the literature as it is written and have them do the work out of the fellowship approved step working guide. easy-peasy for me, but perhaps not what any one of them really need, after the first time through those. my concern lies with the latest man i have agreed to sponsor, as there is history between us and my sponse set in motion a notion that i will need to address when i see him, my sponsee, not my sponse, on Friday afternoon. between and then and now, i know i need to let go of what i may need to ask and my expectation of what that response may be. that damn equity concept getting in the way of easy, once again. 😜
stepping out of my warm and dry house, into a uncertain environment, this morning, i know that today needs to be a bit slower and certainly a bit shorter than usual, as i am starting to feel the consequences of testing my physical recovery. i also know that if i want to improve my life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, i have to honor myself by working the program of recovery that i have been given, even if that means asking an uncomfortable question or three. just for today, taking the actions i need to see the world with a tad bit of optimism, is a path upon which i can place myself.

∞ DT ∞