Blog entry for:

appreciation, and gratitude for the here and now is not a topic i choose to write about very often. in fact, may of my peers may say i choose to ignore all that is good in my life and focus on what is not. based on my seed this morning, one might believe that i am going merrily tripping down a path into the light. that may or may not be the case, but who knows?
the reading speaks of surrendering to FAITH and i am not someone who lives in a whole lot of FAITH. i do have FAITH in the program that has brought me to this point, giving me the ability and opportunity to live far more comfortably than i ever imagined was possible. i also have FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery will keep me clean today. i also am grateful that for whatever reason, be it fate or a set of unfortunate coincidences, i GOT the chance to get clean and stay clean, for long enough to open my mind to the possibility that i needed something “more.” that something took me nearly fifteen years to uncover and whether i am obstinate, ignorant or lazy, i to do not begrudge myself any second of that journey to FAITH in a POWER that i could surrender my will and my life into the care of. that experience allows me to share with my peers, that they too can struggle, question and step out of the box, on their path to FAITH.
it may be true that my current job is coming to an end. it certainly is true that these days i am consumed by work as things the servers upon which everything runs, are behaving abnormally and i am struggling to find the root cause. what is also true, i am paid quite well to deal with those issues, at least at the present time and based on current events and what might be, i am grateful to be gainfully employed. i am not incarcerated, i do not have legal issues and the financial issues i am dealing with, are creations of my own self-will. all in all, the POWER that fuels my recovery, is doing a pretty good job of giving me the opportunity to get what i need and some of what i want, including the desire to take better care of my physical self. would i like to have MORE? DAMN RIGHT! being content with what i have, has never, ever been something i am very good at, but today, i am getting better at doing so.
the desire to get up off my lazy ass has now become overwhelming, so i guess it is time to wrap this up. it is a good day to be clean. it is a good day to get out in this frigid morning and burn some calories. it is a good day to do what i am paid to do and not worry about what may come. more than anything else, it is a good day to have the FAITH, that i will be given the opportunity to get what i need, IF i live a program of active recovery and do my best, to be the best person i can be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞