Some memes

well i got through the past thirty-six hours without using. i know that this does not sound like some kind of great accomplishment, but it definitely was Another Fucking Growth Opportunity for me for a number of reasons. the first and foremost was due to a reservation i have had for quite some time, have talked over with my sponsor and had thought i worked through, i was caught-up in the obsession to use a certain combination of substances. i knew the newcomer i was dealing with could be manipulated into getting what i wanted, so the means were at my disposal. what did i do? i called my sponsor, my friends and my peers until i could find someone to talk to. my dirty little secret was a secret no more and GOD lifted the obsession. it is true that i ate a few things that were not exactly healthy for me and i isolated all afternoon, but i am clean today. i still have the choice to recover today. and i have no regrets about yesterday. so all in all a successful chunk of time at least for this addict.
what it did teach me was that even after a few years clean, even through i live a program of recovery, and even though i know what the consequences are for me, i am still an addict and i can still obsess about using, i am no different than the man i took to the ARC yesterday. well i am a bit different, i have tools that i can chooses to use so i do not have to choose to use. i have people in my life who will guide me to a spiritual solution. and i have a HIGHER POWER that will keep me clean, provided that i get out of the way.
so today is a wonderful morning even though it is cloudy and rainy and i just washed me car. i have the privilege to recover one more day. and for that i am grateful today!
∞ DT ∞