Blog entry for:

and a daily commitment to recovery, MINE! this reading, triggered an emotional reaction of gratitude this morning. the first thing i thought about was how grateful i was that i had a program and that as a result i was starting to develop some real relationships. one of the guys i serve with, gave me a day planner last night. the only thing that soured the experience was his insistence in telling me to substitute my spirituality for that which was inherent in the gift. even though i am not of that particular religion, i have finally come to the place where i do not have a knee-jerk reaction at anything that happens to even have a whiff of religion. i was grateful and still am, that my friend took the time and spent his money, on a token of our friendship. there was a bunch of stuff i could have said, and like the lesson i learned over the weekend, what i did say and mean, was “THANK YOU!”
what does this have to do with my daily commitment to recovery and living in my THIRD STEP decision? i need to ponder that for just a second, as i am not quite sure why i was moved to start off with that event. what i am getting, is that there is more going on here than meets even my ever so discerning eye. both inside of me and out side of me. in fact now that i think about it, when i laid down and before i shut down, i wondered to myself, why have i been put on this particular path. no not the deep meaning of life sort of question, but the the whole incarcerated population gig that has become the focus of my service efforts over the past six months or so. for a person who came to recovery believing he was better than everyone else, and that those who were incarcerated deserved to be so, it is quite a turn of events that finds me considering taking on one more jailed sponsee. it is true, that he is a retread sponsee, and the only one i have ever fired. it is also true, that as little as four months ago, i wrote him that i could NEVER be his sponsor again. well folks four months does not equal never, or does it? i have been quiet and not made a decision yet, BUT i have heard what i need to do, to facilitate my decision-making process. that action will be the next i take after working out this morning, i have a few predictions as to what his emotional reaction will be, but i will let go of those and see what happens.
how do i reaffirm my commitment to recovery this morning? well by taking the time out of my day,. to put down some seemingly random ideas, i focus on what is going on inside, so i can move out to the real world. my surreal world view, that the part of me i call my addict is held at bay, once again, and i GET to live life in the her and now. i GET to consciously choose to surrender my will and my life into the care of a HIGHER POWER. i GET to live this day as if it is my last. and most importantly i GET to be a part of the world, a vital part, instead of apart from this world. so the road is calling and i am listening, it is a great day to be clean and YES, i do believe that a HIGHER POWER will care for my will and my life, at least right now.

∞ DT ∞