Blog entry for:

living in the solution and staying out of the problem and they stay clean, just for today.
so am i a winner today? well i hardly live up to all of the ideals that are expressed in the reading this morning. but if i did live up to that exacting ideal, i would certainly be a winner and probably not human or at least not part of living life in the real world. the list while hardly exhaustive, reads like the nomination form for a recovery saint, and i am a mere recovering addict. it would be a cinch to live up to that ideal, if i was some sort of hermit, living in a cave, far from the hustle and bustle of the real world, but alas, i am not nor am i likely to do so in the next few minutes of this day.
so does that mean there is no hope for me? not at all! while i can use i am doing the best i can today as a cop-out to excuse my less than stellar actions, thoughts and behaviors, and trust me i know all about using that particular rationalization, i have top be honest about whether i really did do my best to approach that ideal of what a winner is. i am grateful that i have a tenth step to allow me to inventory how well i did on a daily basis, but that does not excuse my behavior in the here and now either. dang it! i do have a conscience, which i have come to believe is the voice of my concept of a HIGHER POWER speaking through my gut. reminding me that perhaps i need to be looking at what is happening in the here and now and not waiting until i am in the comfort of my bedroom to see what and where i strayed from the ideal today. i tend to believe that i am a winner if i respond to that feeling in my gut, that i am doing something i will regret, and alter the course of my action. listening to that voice is part of living an eleventh step, hence actively working an active program of recovery.
so saint or sinner, i am not a loser if i choose to stay clean today! there is always room for improvement and i am a winner if i recognize that i am human, subject to all the frailties of being a human. my course of action can be to wail and moan about how bad i am, or look at my failings, learn to tolerate them, and strive to allow GOD to remove them, one day at a time. so off to the races to see how much of a winner i can be today!

∞ DT ∞