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addiction for me seemed like a battle: i brought a sledgehammer to all my relationships and choosing my battles was a cop-out. it has been a year since my Mom died and in that year, i have had to come to accept that i will never get from her what i most desired. that led to a whole lot of angst, anger and resentment. it took what seemed like forever, but it was only six months to let go of what i cannot get and forgive her. that has led to me looking deep within myself and examining the other expectations i was still holding on to and forgive those who has trespassed against me. this morning, as i sat, what came bubbling up to the surface was that i have the ability, these days, for the most part, to stop and discern the next correct thing to do. listening to my heart, instead of my head, is allowing me to see others for what they are and seek the ways and means to get past my opinions and provide for them, whatever it is that i can.
as i was driving into the office on this cold January morning, i was amazed that the number of idiots was practically nil. i really doubt that they were not out there. i am coming to see that it was not always about what they do to me and allow myself the freedom to be okay in the traffic that blocks my speedy and smooth commute. perhaps, that is a sign of balance in my emotional state, because i am beginning to see that i am not always right and that more than one of my bag of opinions may need to be altered to fit what is really happening in my life. the sledgehammer i carried with me for so long, seems to be morphing into a magnifying glass, as i learn to listen to what others are trying to tell me, and i short-circuit the emotional reactions that lead to flight or fight, mostly fight. 😎
stopping to take a minute, to breathe and check-in, i am more than ready to sit down with my boss, get a few more projects assigned to me and be productive at work. i have to admit, that since the middle of last month, i have been slacking and not giving my entire self over to what i need to do. i am not entitled to keep this job and i certainly need to work on improving my worth to my employer, which starts in a few minutes, as i get ready to post this little ditty and see what is happening on my twitter feed. it is a great day to stop and discern what i need to do next.

∞ DT ∞