Blog entry for:

...the addict who does not return and the addict who keeps coming back. By offering my phone number, a hug, or just a warm welcome, i extend the hand of the fellowship in which i choose to find recovery to the addict who still suffers. the parade of newcomers, they come, they go, they puke, they act out, and sometimes they even recover. now that i am one of those members who happens to have some clean time, i find myself still making judgments about who is willing, who will come back and who is just coming to be compliant with some power greater than them, be it the justice system, the family courts, or their loved ones. what i do not find myself doing, and this is a bit of growth, is sharing those judgments with other members, no more making book on who will or will not make it. does that mean i am the fellowship welcome wagon, or even welcome mat? well i have yet to achieve those distinctions, in fact when someone comes back for a while, and actually talk to me, they often say that they were afraid or intimidated by the way i presented myself back when they first walked into the rooms. so there is quite a bit more room for growth in that very personal aspect of how i live the twelfth step, and perhaps someday i will learn to be less intimidating. of course, it could be all on them and their stuff, and that would be a convenient basket in which to drop my stuff, and pitch into the infinite oblivion of the bit bucket.
alas, i am incapable of doing that these days, dang it all, i have been clean for too long and worked too hard to be so cavalier about how i interact with the world around me, newcomers included. so where is the HOPE? well i am willing to look at how i present myself to newcomers, i am willing to allow changes to be manifest in me by the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, and i am willing to do my step work, one day at a time. and i am more than willing to let go of the results of that course of action, after all i am powerless over that particular outcome, as will as many others. however powerlessness is a topic for another day, and i need to get running. life is still good and i am still doing it day by day, after all that is all i have. so Ta-Ta for now fair readers, into the breech i venture…

∞ DT ∞