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who does not return, is far from an indication that the **group** and members with clean time did not welcome them. that being said, i certainly do need to look to my actions in the room and discern whether or not i made them feel welcome. i do not **share** for the newcomer and i have said in the past, for the most part i allow my peers to greet the **parade of newcomers.** the fact is, just as no addict who does not have a decade clean, know what it **feels** like, so i have forgotten what it **felt** like to be the newest of the new. i can fill a cargo container with my excuses and that is certainly something i can consider as part of my ongoing recovery.

Alan S,
TWENTY-ONE (21) years clean!
Now one might say you have “grown up” in recovery.
CONGRATS, my friend.

what i “heard” this morning as i allowed myself the FREEDOM to listen, was not about how welcoming i may or may not be, but rather what it feels like, today, to have “significant” clean time.”
i cannot speak for my peers, but i am certain that how i view the world, my recovery and the fellowship has certainly changed over time. those ginormous issues that faced me when i was in the first part of my recovery, after eighteen months of “faking it,” have long been resolved. for me, i was the newest of the new, the day i came back from my East Coast foray and with some experience with staying clean, under my belt, i had far too much pride and ego to admit that i was clueless about how to do this recovery gig. as a result of my less than stellar thinking, i was isolated and alienated form the very folks who never turned their backs on me. my best thinking had got me into an untenable situation and led to my commitment to recovery, as i finally pulled my head out of my a$$ and actually made the decision to do more than count down the days until i was freed from my judicial shackles. i can say without any hesitation that had i decided to do something different in New Jersey on that bleak night, i probably would not have ever come back to the rooms and certainly would not have asked another member to sponsor me.
as i walk into this day, i have to look at how i treat those who have been “around” the rooms for long period of times and yet are still the newest of the new. i understand salvaging some self-esteem by clumping together the days of abstinence to remove the sting of recurring relapse. perhaps, looking at what went wrong, is certainly a worthwhile task. i have been a victim of my own oversize ego in the past and still can be to this day. part pf learning to be humble is to remember where the heck i came from and what it took for me to become the person i am today. on that note, it is time to wrap this up and allow myself the FREEDOM to shower and shave before getting started on my jam packed day of work. it is a good day to “remember the newcomer,” at least for this addict.

∞ DT ∞