Blog entry for:

so many people come and go it is tough to put myself out there. there, now i said it and my ugly little secret is a secret no more. i know that many of my peers rejoice in the plethora of FNGs that walk through the doors, as it seems as if it may distract them from what they are not doing, when the twelve stomp a newcomer. i have at least one man that calls me his sponsor that takes on the newest of the new as their next project, for similar reasons. i know that when i got clean, i was lucky enough to be angry and barbed enough that i kept those types away from me and i never became a distraction nor a project. it is truly amazing that i stayed clean and decided to live a program of active recovery, as i was quite certain, way back when, that this program was for losers and the “weak and feeble.” when i consider what it has taken for me to reach this point in my life, i now know which side of the weak and feeble coin i have landed on as this has been one of the toughest roads i have ever traveled.
moving on from others and ancient history, what i am feeling today is a bit of angst over doing my taxes. i know i paid in all year and took out taxes on all thee funds i moved around and yet, deep inside is a bit of apprehension that somehow i messed up and i will end up deep in financial trouble. that however, is a fear i am going to let go of and have a bit of FAITH that i made all the correct moves a year ago, when i got dismissed from my position. my taxes will wait for another day, as i am now ready to have a bite of lunch and run away to the cigar lounge for the afternoon. it is a good day to be clean and yes, when i see the new guys walk in the door, i will remember that maybe a greeting and hug from this curmudgeon will be just the impetus they need to keep coming back.

∞ DT ∞