Some memes

do i attract newcomers to stay and seek recovery? i am not a **touchie-feely** kind of guy and am certainly not one of those who rush over to **twelve stomp** the newest of the new, when they first walk into the rooms. i know my continue recovery depends on them staying in the rooms, but carrying the message to them does not enhance my self-worth or make me feel **better.** when all is said and done, attracting the newest of the new to stay comes down to simple self-preservation for me. as cynical as that sounds, this morning it certainly fits. coming to terms with how i see more than one of my peers and how they seem to want to be seen, has been my task over the past few days, and i can certainly say this morning, if that is what they are offering i certainly do not want what i have seen.
there is an irony in that last statement, because i have captured them doing what i think is certainly more than okay for me, i want to be seen as a spiritual giant and when i act out, i want to go on, as if nothing happened. it it what it is, i am who i am, a judgemental addict in recovery, who has learned to keep his judgements to himself and to this little forum. although cataloging the “ass-holery” i have seen lately, might be a bit cathartic as then i could beat myself up with that same big stick, i want to be a bit more “positive” today. thinking about what i share and how i act towards the newest of my peers, is certainly a good bit to focus on this morning, rather than on the shortcomings of those who may have accumulated a few days clean.

Alan S.
welcome to the multiple 'decades' club.
Congrats on TWENTY (20) years clean, just for today.

i know, time and again, i have heard it said that clean time really does not matter. i cannot say why my peers say y-that, but i know my motive for saying so: it is to “pretend” that i am some paragon of humility. the fact of the matter is, clean time does matter. when i got clean, i could not believe anyone could stay clean for more than a few days, or maybe a few months, IF they used as i did. although i once saw clean time as some sort of status symbol, today i see it as the result of perseverance and FAITH in the program that has given me a new manner in which to live. when i finally got over my bad self and realized that i was intimidated by clean time of others, BECAUSE i was envious of them, i finally saw myself as a peer and an equal to every addict in the rooms. i could stop trying to rescue the newcomer and the groups that i attend on a regular basis. that enhancement of my membership has made all the difference today. as i put away the garbage i have seen over the past few days, and strive to carry a strong message of HOPE, i can be certain that maybe the one addict who NEEDS to hear what i have to say, will hear it, just for today. oh yeah, those self-centered peers that i have allowed to drive me to distraction? well they too, will be going into the bit bucket with my judgements, at least until the next time they act out. 🙈 🙉 🙊

∞ DT ∞