Blog entry for:

honestly, i was not greeted or warmly welcomed, or even given a meeting schedule when i walked into my first meeting. i was not ready for recovery then and i was just going to be compliant with the external forces that were controlling my life. however four months later, when i still was not ready for recovery and attending a meeting to get out of the house, i was made to feel very welcome but rejected any of that hugging and touching stuff. at least those members emphatically asked me to keep coming back and were sincerely concerned that i would be one more on that parade of newcomers that pass through the revolving door. and i did revolve in and out of the rooms for the next three months. BUT i had been to treatment, learned how to ‘talk the talk,’ and continued to use without telling anyone that i was using. in fact i was so dishonest i collected a thirty day, sixty day, ninety day and six month key tags when the most clean time i could ever really accumulate was fourteen days.
i left the rooms of the fellowship that saved my life for the better part of the next six months, partially because of the consequences of that last use, but mostly from the fear of having to face those welcoming people and admit that i had lied to them. i sought recovery elsewhere and when the time came to celebrate my actual one year anniversary i did it at that group whose members had been so warm and welcoming. i owned up to my dishonesty and you know what? not one of them rejected me that evening back in 1998 and i learned what they really meant to say keep coming back, NO MATTER WHAT!
i know that the reading was about a different topic (sort of), but it brought back that little slice of my active addiction to me and i needed to share that once more. the gratitude i need to demonstrate today is that those addicts, in that room, loved me enough to forgive me for lying to them and were actually concerned about my disappearance. that is the attitude i want to express today by welcoming the newcomer who shows up at our meeting tonight. the unconditional love and forgiveness that i received and still get to this day. yes it is true that i have yet to become a saint, and yes it is true that i was hardly a demon when i came to recovery. what is true is that i am a recovering addict who remembers my past and walks forward into the future with the HOPE and FAITH that NO MATTER WHAT, I CAN RECOVER!

∞ DT ∞