Blog entry for:

or just a warm welcome, i extend the hand of this fellowship to the addict who still suffers.
okay first off, i am not one of those who flocks to every single newcomer that walks into the room, smothering them with attention. no i look for the ones at the margins, who everyone else seemed to have forgotten, and talk to those guys. i remember, way back when i was not really trying to stay clean, but was attending meetings and trying to look like i was one of the “cool kids,” who were staying clean. for me, i doubt a bit more attention would not have turned the trick, as i never, ever, wanted to be part of the recovery gang, all i wanted was to look like i was part of the group. BUT, perhaps a kind word or even a bit of attention would have shortened my time between my first meeting and my clean date, no telling. with that sort of experience under my belt, the new guys i look for, are the ones that are closest to that model. they are here, they think they may or may not belong here, and are looking for something, anything to disqualify themselves, from any chance of recovery.
yes, i know that gig very well. i know and understand, doing stuff to look better than i am actually feeling, especially when i had the sword of justice ready to swoop down and decapitate me, not to much unlike living as a hostage of ISIS. i mean seriously, i would say or do anything in those days, save stop using, to stay free from incarceration, and for the first time in my ;life, i finally learned how to tell bald-faced lies, with a bit of skill.
ah, the follies of youth, and yes i consider those days before i stayed clean, the youth of my recovery. remarkably i was my own worst enemy,and there is currently a FNG, who is repeating my pattern, without the jail time, but the added stress of being glommed on upon by a member with some time. he is, as i was, trying desperately to not be one of us, and doing everything he can to keep using and look like he is not. he shows up less and less, but when he does show up, i make an effort to talk to him about his life and how it is so similar to mine. i am pretty certain that biological need will be greater than emotional need, and he will sacrifice his tenuous recovery on the altar of getting laid, as seems to be the pattern in this particular relationship dance. i know that until he is really ready to change his life, the past will be his and hers to repeat, as the newcomer seems to be her choice in men.
today? well today, i have a service commitment and will not be doing a regular meeting. that means i have a different opportunity to reach out to the potential FNGs i encounter. today, i have the opportunity to attract those guys into their very first meeting, where i am certain that someone, will extend the hand of this fellowship and let them know, that just for today, the do not have to use and can find a life that does not include being owned by addiction.

∞ DT ∞