Blog entry for:

i am being brought closer to becoming the person i was meant to be. i am living myself into right thinking. this is one of those things that i have come to accept on FAITH. yes i know, i am not one of those who walk around in a state of FAITH, and yet here was something that worked from the start. when i acted as if i did not want to use, even though i was suffering from teeth-grinding, jaw-clenching jones, i came to a place where i no longer had the desire to use. one may speculate as to the cause and effect, and one would be correct in doing so. was it that i worked some steps and did not use, or was it because i came to accept that the cravings were there and each time i ignored them they diminished in power until they eventually left me. this morning, on my fifty-first birthday i am beginning to dismiss the need, at least in this respect, to figure every little thing out, and just accept that although i have some of the answers,i do not have them all, nor, and this is the amazing part, do i need to seek them. what i am feeling this morning, is that the answers i do get today, will be the ones that i need, and to twist and turn about those that i do not get, is hardly a productive use of my time and energy. hey, i am already acting **as if**!
well, i obsession this morning with a purchase of a new toy, just got rudely interrupted, so i will act **as if**, i really do not need to buy that right now, and move into this day. gots lots to do, and i will do what i can to get it done today, after all, today i choose to live **as if** i was a normal person who chooses not to use, although i know that is not the case.

∞ DT ∞