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transform my commitment into action, is certainly one way to look at the principle of discipline. over the past thirty-six hours i have been witness to what happens when someone may have the commitment and desire to do something but not any willingness at all. they failed to accomplish what they had the desire to accomplish despite “doing the best” they could do. i, myself, on the other hand, am probably far too disciplined in doing what i commit to doing. as a result, i get frustrated with those who cannot or will not meet their commitments. this morning, i am not quite sure what the status of my Mom's house is, as there were far more vehicles parked in front of it, than i expected. more will certainly be revealed in a few hours and instead of being angry, disappointed or resentful about what may or may not be, i am just sort of sad that someone who was really trying failed to realize that what they had to accomplish would not be possible in the time they allotted for it, based on the way they do things.
for me, on the sixty-seventh anniversary of my entry into this reality, i see a lesson to be learned, i could fail and make all sorts of excuses for why i could or would not succeed. or i can look at what it was in me that set that up. it just might be that i overextended myself, committing to what i could not possibly accomplish in that time frame. it could be that i lacked the skills and had to learn them on the “fly” or it just might be that i was too lazy to get started before the deadline was upon me. fishing for excuses and justifications changes nothing and in these days, does not even make myself feel better about who and what i am. if i choose to ignore the principle of discipline in my life, i will ultimately end up using, as day after day, just for today, has become ingrained in me and is part of my discipline of living. so i have a few things to accomplish on this morning before i face the reality of someone who is unable to meet any of their commitments and now have the handy dandy excuse of “depression.” they are not the first addict i have known that had the desire to get a diagnosis so they did not have to do the hard work of building a life in reality. me, i know what is real and what is not, that is why i put an extra day cushion in what had to be done, so i could meet my commitment with those who are expecting to do their jobs tomorrow. it is a good day to be clean, in recovery and have the willingness and desire to meet my commitments.

∞ DT ∞