โ through acting differently, i realize โ
Posted: Tue, Apr 16, 2013 08:52:12 AM
that i am beginning to think differently. the whole topic of behaving my way into better thinking, certainly stirs up more than a few feelings in me.
as i sit here on the fifty-sixth anniversary of the day i came into this world, i am thinking about the nihilistic way i lived, back in the day. i was fearless, guiltless and without any remorse. of course, i had help in thinking and feeling that way, but since i never believed i would see thirty much less fifty-five, i lived in the moment, dreading what i had done yesterday and wondering what was coming to get me tomorrow. i have been up for less than three hours and i have already learned three lessons. number one: 30 miles per hour is not appropriate speed on ice at 63rd and the diagonal. number two, i am a good enough driver that i can steer out of a skid. and number three: that i have a whole lot more living to do. once again, i am writing this at work, as i wanted to avoid most of the traffic that was also going to Boulder this morning, that plan did not work out as well as i would have hoped, but the outcome is, my car is intact and i am a little pumped up from the skids i created by forgetting my past experiences. i wish i could act as-if i meant to skid, just to test myself, but the truth is, i was ignorant and as a result nearly ended-up somewhere i did not want to be.
back to what i was and what i am. the man, who used every day of his life, can still return to the present tense. what keeps that from happening, is the active program i do my best to practice and the experience i get from those with whom i walk this path. i may not know what the rest of today will bring. that does not mean i have to walk in FEAR, nor does it mean that i have to walk without concern either. it means that i can be in the here and now, celebrate the fact that i have another year under my belt and do my best to be worthy of the gift of this new life i have been given, that's right act “as-if” i feel worthy of recovery and live accorduingly. anyhow, i have stuff to do and code to write. it is a good day to be alive and celebrate another day of…
as i sit here on the fifty-sixth anniversary of the day i came into this world, i am thinking about the nihilistic way i lived, back in the day. i was fearless, guiltless and without any remorse. of course, i had help in thinking and feeling that way, but since i never believed i would see thirty much less fifty-five, i lived in the moment, dreading what i had done yesterday and wondering what was coming to get me tomorrow. i have been up for less than three hours and i have already learned three lessons. number one: 30 miles per hour is not appropriate speed on ice at 63rd and the diagonal. number two, i am a good enough driver that i can steer out of a skid. and number three: that i have a whole lot more living to do. once again, i am writing this at work, as i wanted to avoid most of the traffic that was also going to Boulder this morning, that plan did not work out as well as i would have hoped, but the outcome is, my car is intact and i am a little pumped up from the skids i created by forgetting my past experiences. i wish i could act as-if i meant to skid, just to test myself, but the truth is, i was ignorant and as a result nearly ended-up somewhere i did not want to be.
back to what i was and what i am. the man, who used every day of his life, can still return to the present tense. what keeps that from happening, is the active program i do my best to practice and the experience i get from those with whom i walk this path. i may not know what the rest of today will bring. that does not mean i have to walk in FEAR, nor does it mean that i have to walk without concern either. it means that i can be in the here and now, celebrate the fact that i have another year under my belt and do my best to be worthy of the gift of this new life i have been given, that's right act “as-if” i feel worthy of recovery and live accorduingly. anyhow, i have stuff to do and code to write. it is a good day to be alive and celebrate another day of…
∞ DT ∞