Blog entry for:

i may find that certain members upset me, or i may even hear myself say, **if i worked their program, i would surely use.** and perhaps i would, however to make that judgment and accept it as fact is part and parcel about the behaviors the sixth and seventh step are meant to remove. the reading is not speaking to me about removing my defects of character this morning nor is speaking to having other members have their defects removed. no what i heard and what i am pondering is practicing the principle of tolerance and acceptance in my life especially when i am dealing with those around me, yes it would be wonderful, i think at times, if everyone just worked the steps and did their level best to become more than an addict in active addiction. i even go as far as to think, OMIGAWD, how can they stay clean doing that kind of sh!t.
but anyhow, when i go there i have the good sense to walk away before i open my mouth and say something that is hurtful or judgmental. is that the courageous thing to do? i do not know, i do know that most of the time my opinion is juts that and opinion that need not be shared openly 100 percent of the time and that a bit of discretion goes a long way to making this life a bit smoother for me and everyone else.
i am a bit concerned about a procedure i am having this morning. i am having an endoscopy and a colonoscopy and although neither one is that big of a deal, my concerns center around the whole conscious sedation gig and the medications they will be giving me to keep me from feeling pain. although the effects of all of this is short term, i almost feel like i have a free pass to get high as i do not know the difference from drugs administered by a doctor and those i administer myself. i just need to be clear that on the backside of this procedure that i do not have permission to go administer medication for myself. what i am having done is a medical necessity and i am certain that they will use the proper amounts for my medical condition. i am not a doctor so i will end by saying that just for toady, i will stay clean no matter what!

∞ DT ∞