Blog entry for:

i have formed opinions about how they **work their program.** good, bad or indifferent, my job is to let go of those judgments and take what i can for myself from what i see around me.BUT FIRST, one quick judgment and then i can move on. i have now seen it all. i heard an addict use a line from the BASIC TEXT last night to rationalize his choice not to work the steps and his belief that he is getting everything the program has to offer without doing any of the work. amazingly he ignores all of the many in the Text that say the steps are the program and focuses in on, "there is no model for the recovering addict."
i was floored last night, as you can see i am still in a bit of a tizzy about it this morning, BUT as the reading this morning strongly suggests, for my own sanity and to be true to the program i purport to be working, i do believe i will move on and shift the focus to myself. surprising as it may be, i am far from the most tolerant person on the block. i was not born with an abundance of tolerance in the first place, and active addiction did its best to strip that modicum away. so for me, the program is about practicing a principle that i have always been clueless about, and without a doubt, with no previous experience, it is one of the most difficult of the spiritual principles for me to apply in my daily affairs. the rooms of recovery give me ample opportunity to practice this newly acquired talent, as just like me, most of the members i share the rooms with are far from perfect. just like, most of them do not work the perfect program and most importantly just like me, they too are doing their best to get by, do this whole recovery gig and live life the best that they can.
this particular application of the STEP 12, requires that i return to the defects that i was entirely ready to have removed in STEP SIX. the shortcomings that are showing up are being judgmental and intolerant and the defect? well it has to be my lack of self-esteem and my overarching concern about how i appear in the eyes of those who see me.
that discussion, while interesting is not something i need to dive into this morning. where i feel i need to go, is how to grow my tolerance rather than wailing and moaning about the part of me that is and has been intolerant forever. what i heard this morning was that by practicing the letter and the spirit of STEP 12, i can become more of the sort of person i want to be. it is not my job to rid myself of those traits and defects that i identified in STEPS 6 and 7. no, it is my job to strive to live by the principles that i have been given and allow everyone else to do their jobs.
so although i want to send a nasty-gram out, telling so and so how dangerous some of the sh!t he shares is to a newcomer, i do believe i will sit back, give myself a bit more quiet time and allow myself the chance to learn to be more tolerant and loving. that is after all, what this is all about for me today.

∞ DT ∞