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share and how they live their lives may upset me, is certainly a fact of life. i have opinions and attitudes that affect the way i walk through my days, that may be just as upsetting to others. it is interesting today, that part of the conversation i had with one of the men who call me their sponsor was all about pronoun use. it is quite common for me to hear my peers use the pronouns “you” and “we” when sharing, when they are actually speaking of their own experience. yes, i am a stickler for language and i gently reminded him that when one uses the pronoun “you” one is actually telling someone else what they “should” do. when one uses the pronoun “we” then one is generalizing their program to all of their peers. the literature uses “we” for inclusiveness. because it is for all of us, members of a common fellowship seeking a path to a better way of living. i cannot say why my peers, some with “significant” clean time, choose to play the pronoun game. i can say, that for me, it is about precision in the language i use to carry a message of HOPE. the more laser-like my language may be, the better the chance that the addict who needs to hear my unique and individual message, will be able to hear it. ironically, my sponsee said that he had recently been upbraided by a member of his family, for saying “you” when he was speaking of his own experience and my admonishment, was much more gentle.
time to climb down off my language soapbox and pick up the topic i have been visiting the past three days, how the share of one of my peers, made me look to what is going on, in my life. their share and my judgement of the content of that share and their behavior after the meeting, focused me on an on-going behavior that did not allow for much tolerance. not that i have had much tolerance for that particular peer, for quite some time. in fact, i often wait, ready to pounce on what they are saying, knowing full well that they have yet to get to a place where the own any responsibility for their life. it is a sad fact of my life, that i came to recovery as a martyr and wore that cloak with self-righteous indignation. martyrdom does not suit me well these days, but self-righteous indignation, still does fit me well, that is. as i get ready to walk out the door and face the so-called real world, i can be a bit more present for what is going on inside of me, and how i am forming judgements as to the motivations of those around me, based on my observation of their behaviors. if i would prefer to live my life unjudged, then i need to find the means to stop judging how others live theirs. there is certainly a difference between being discerning and being judgemental and today is a good day to work on that particular spectrum.

∞ DT ∞