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**work their program,** is still is one of my favorite refrains. the fact is, if i worked my program the way i see some my peers work theirs, i certainly would not be content with my life, accepting of others and still clean. that is not a refection on how they do it, but rather a refection on how i have uncovered i NEED to do it. whether or not i am on the “spectrum” or OCD, does not matter. what matters to me, anyhow, is that the amount of work i put into my program,. is what keeps me clean. if i do not go to a meeting, that works takes less than an hour per day, which is far less time than i devoted on a daily basis to getting high.
as i sat and as i walked, this morning, what kept popping off the stack was the notion that i have to keep plugging away at my job search. rumors have it that my current gig is about to extend a retention bonus, before the end of the week. i am not sure what it would take for me to say i was going to stay, but i will remain open-minded to the possibility. right now, tolerating my Mom and my current money-making gig, are certainly notions that have great relevance in my life. the fact that neither of them, really want to come out and offer me anything, throw this old dawg a bone, as it were, says a great deal. it feels as if they need to be forced into a corner with me blocking their only escape route. not that much unlike me when it comes to working steps. which brings me back to the top, working the program that keeps me alive and allowing others to hang on to whatever they need to hang on to, without judging the quality of their lives. i am clean today and just for today, i guess i can let go of my angst about what happens to me September 1st and keep on doing the footwork to not be in that position.

∞ DT ∞