โ i will strive to โ
Posted: Wed, Jun 24, 2015 07:59:05 AM
tolerate and accept others as they are. as i sit here this morning, with my altered plans ahead of me, i begin to wonder, what else is in store for me, today. it certainly has been and interesting few days, and i am finally putting everything around me into some sort of perspective the nice part is, it is not my stuff at all!
the latest twist in my plans? not having to drive to work today, as i have been ordered to work from home. yes that is correct ORDERED! the other stuff? a few relapses from peers who seemed to be solid in their programs, a bit of entitlement lingering from my last interaction with my incarcerated friend, and a bit of concern over whether or not a new sponsee has stayed clean, after getting out of jail. of course, and the reading talked about yesterday, i am powerless over a whole lot of things and what others may or may not do, i have very little power over as well. but this is not a just for yesterday program.
something i do have more than a tad of power over, is my behavior, and although it has not been at the spiritual guru level, i like to portray, it certainly has not been at the recovery schmuck level either. i texted a friend as the meeting started last night, and asked him to tell me some good news, as i was in a severely judgmental and intolerant state of mind. the miracle of empathy however occurred, even before he texted me back, and all of a sudden my mood was lifted and i felt connected to those i had just judged and condemned.
so i'm stuck for words here. i had thought about being the cheerleader and writing about how i will think about, be mindful of, and practice tolerance and acceptance in all my affairs. the problem is, i already try and do that, even when the reading does not address that issue directly. for me, sometimes i do NOT need an extra ‘kick it up kind’ of attitude when it comes to spiritual principles. it is why i am not one of those who draw a spiritual principle card to put special focus on every day. i like to try and think that i do my best to live them all, equally well and if truth be told, without flaw or hesitation. yes i like to think that, the reality is well, not so much. i ma certainly i do not recieve a gred for my behavior across the course of any twenty-four hours,m as i am certain there would be probably an equal number of ‘A’ days as ‘F’ but most of them would just be in the ‘B - C’ range. no i do not get a letter grade, nor do i try an lump all of my behaviors, attitudes and actions into a giant bucket to be evaluated as a whole, as for me, that seems a bit obfuscating. the extremes disappear into the a conglomeration and i lose the ability to see what needs to be worked on, and what i should continue to practice, it is those actions, attitudes, moods and behaviors in the extreme that i need to focus on, hence when i texted my friend last night, i was being honest about what i felt, the judgement train was about to leave the station and barrel down the tracks!
all of that aside, i certainly do need to let go of my need to judge, manipulate and insert myself into situations that are nor mine. yes, i have a few choice words i would love to say to one or more of my peers today, but what will it really accomplish? so just for today, i will focus on what is mine, live my life in active recovery and do my best to leave the smallest trail of destruction in my wake.
the latest twist in my plans? not having to drive to work today, as i have been ordered to work from home. yes that is correct ORDERED! the other stuff? a few relapses from peers who seemed to be solid in their programs, a bit of entitlement lingering from my last interaction with my incarcerated friend, and a bit of concern over whether or not a new sponsee has stayed clean, after getting out of jail. of course, and the reading talked about yesterday, i am powerless over a whole lot of things and what others may or may not do, i have very little power over as well. but this is not a just for yesterday program.
something i do have more than a tad of power over, is my behavior, and although it has not been at the spiritual guru level, i like to portray, it certainly has not been at the recovery schmuck level either. i texted a friend as the meeting started last night, and asked him to tell me some good news, as i was in a severely judgmental and intolerant state of mind. the miracle of empathy however occurred, even before he texted me back, and all of a sudden my mood was lifted and i felt connected to those i had just judged and condemned.
so i'm stuck for words here. i had thought about being the cheerleader and writing about how i will think about, be mindful of, and practice tolerance and acceptance in all my affairs. the problem is, i already try and do that, even when the reading does not address that issue directly. for me, sometimes i do NOT need an extra ‘kick it up kind’ of attitude when it comes to spiritual principles. it is why i am not one of those who draw a spiritual principle card to put special focus on every day. i like to try and think that i do my best to live them all, equally well and if truth be told, without flaw or hesitation. yes i like to think that, the reality is well, not so much. i ma certainly i do not recieve a gred for my behavior across the course of any twenty-four hours,m as i am certain there would be probably an equal number of ‘A’ days as ‘F’ but most of them would just be in the ‘B - C’ range. no i do not get a letter grade, nor do i try an lump all of my behaviors, attitudes and actions into a giant bucket to be evaluated as a whole, as for me, that seems a bit obfuscating. the extremes disappear into the a conglomeration and i lose the ability to see what needs to be worked on, and what i should continue to practice, it is those actions, attitudes, moods and behaviors in the extreme that i need to focus on, hence when i texted my friend last night, i was being honest about what i felt, the judgement train was about to leave the station and barrel down the tracks!
all of that aside, i certainly do need to let go of my need to judge, manipulate and insert myself into situations that are nor mine. yes, i have a few choice words i would love to say to one or more of my peers today, but what will it really accomplish? so just for today, i will focus on what is mine, live my life in active recovery and do my best to leave the smallest trail of destruction in my wake.
∞ DT ∞