Blog entry for:

the words humble and humility are so often used in this program, that when i was just starting out i was not sure what they meant. of course, being young in recovery, still very arrogant, and worried about appearances i decided to look these words up in the dictionary, and of course the standard definitions were less than satisfactory to me. the last thing i wanted to be was a servant and i took those definitions and ran. as time went by and i cam to the step that talks about being humble i had it in my mind that i needed to be a "doormat" and of course said nothing of this decision to my sponsor at that time. i quickly moved from arrogance to people-pleasing and thought i was doing what i was supposed to be. after all, if i used people the spiritual opposite was letting them use me, wasn’t it?
it was not until i started my second set of steps that i finally got a clue and actually asked those who went before me what was up with this whole humility thing. the truly amazing part is that i had read this reading several times and seemed to think it did not apply or something equally as bizarre. so today when i read this reading a giant light bulb finally went off. to be humble is merely to accept my whole self as i am at this moment and discover my true place in the world around me. finding the STRENGTH to do so means i HAVE to rely on GOD to provide me with what i need to accept myself. very simple but of course not easy. the light bulb was the revelation that finding humility is not just an inside job, i need the help of GOD and those who are put in my life by a caring and powerful HIGHER POWER. i am not an island unless i choose to cut myself off, i NEED to be out and about and present for whatever needs to happen in the HERE AND NOW.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
and that in itself is more than enough to ponder for today!
-- DT --