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is not what i think of when i have to practice the spiritual principle of humility, at least not anymore. these days it certainly is closer to being exactly who i am and not anything else. the catch there is in the **being exactly who i am** part. the battle of evermore is one between being more than, so i can feel less “less than;” and being okay and an equal to everyone, especially my peers in recovery, that happens across my path during my daily travels. that story is one i tell over and over and over again, and it certainly is germane to this topic, i do not feel the need to walk that path, once again. this morning what i “heard” was perhaps that i am okay today and i can walk with my head high. that is also humility in action.
where i did go, however, was into a place of considering my feelings around the annual celebration of recovery, that just happened this weekend. i fully intended to and did pay full price for the six or seven hours i was there, although there was more than a little bit of loathing for doing so. i was a bit put off to pay $45.00 for a “social” experience and a single meeting and was beating myself up for being so honest, as in the cash register type. it s true, i could have slept deeply and soundly, dropping far less into the baskets that were passed around and perhaps i will do so, the next time i make a drive-by appearance. what i felt this morning, is that i “should have” cratered into my desire to be there and pay what i thought as a “fair price,” for my experience. as i looked deeper at that whole set of feelings i realized that it was not a battle between being frugal or expansive, but rater, a battle between living in self-will and doing the next right thing, and in this instance, doing the next right thing was what i chose to do. so i need to get a walk in and hammer my least favorite team at work, to get them to do their jobs. i guess that i can be grateful that just for today, i know who i am, what i am all about and where i need to go.

∞ DT ∞