Blog entry for:

it just means we must admit i cannot recover on my own, although quite honestly, active addiction has forced me to crawl the path of life on my hands and knees, in fact by the time i got to recovery i was quite humbled, although it appeared that other than a few little legal problems i had things well in hand.
before i really get rolling, congrats on 21 years clean today Justus, thank you for providing HOPE for me and the other members who are part of your life. Loralee, thank you for sharing last night, i had never heard your story and i am grateful that you finally decided to become part of our fellowship, instead of just a visitor up here in this cow town of Longmont.
okay, back to humility, being humbled and becoming humble. today, i am quite sure, that this recovery gig is beyond my abilities. i require and desire, the POWER provided from my connection with a HIGHER POWER, as it is conducted through the members with whom i share my recovery. even those spiritual bullies, and the newest of the FNGs, have something to offer me today, humility is acknowledging that and taking what is being given and putting it to use in my life.
active addiction gave me no choice, i had to live the life to get what i required. active recovery on the other hand provide me many choices, more choices than i am willing to look at at times. sometimes i feel overwhelmed by such a generous buffet of choices, and when i feel overwhelmed, my first reaction is to retreat back into the smug arrogance that i know so well. it sucked being a slave to the NEED to get high, at times it feels almost the same to be free from active addiction. at least this slave knew his place in the world and what he NEEDED to do more than once daily in those days. my knowledge of HOW to live and WHERE my place in the world is today feels elusive and ill-defined most of the time. although the path i am on is quite clear, active recovery, and my daily goal -- not using no matter what, is very well defined, the how is where i stumble. that is where this whole humility gig comes in. this is what i need most guidance on how to achieve that well-defined path and goal. i can stumble along, pretending that i know where i am going and what i am doing, or i can ask for help -- in fact become humble, by admitting that the answers i thought i knew are not adequate and seeking the knowledge i need form other sources, namely my fellows travelers on this path of recovery.
today, is not one of those days. my path is clear today. i NEED to take care of my service commitments, generate some billable hours, get a work out in, and get my book started for my book club. i could continue to go on and on, BUT i think i will close with this thought. even though i know what i want to do, i will let a POWER greater than myself guide me through the actions of this day and see where i end up when it is time to put myself into the care of Morpheus this evening.

∞ DT ∞