Blog entry for:

becoming humble means i attain a realistic view of ourselves and where i fit in the world. what came into my head this morning, was the whole trip about how far out i am about where i am in my recovery, my career and my life in general. it seems that i vacillate between being the greatest to being the worst and the only time i feel truly humble, is when i happen to catch that swinging pendulum of popular opinion, on its journey between those two extremes.
i have a sponsee, who was once fond of saying, that when i say i am humble, or have humility, that is what i am NOT. i can see his point, and although valid for way back then, when it gets rolling around in my noggin, my tendency is to LOOK humble, act as if i am humble, but knowing the truth that it is all just that, smoke and mirrors to be something i am not.
honestly, my job just got very real and now i am struggling to meet their expectations, the side work that fed me in the hiatus between jobs, is now overwhelming me and life on its won terms, just does not seem to have enough hours in a day, for me to take care of all that i need to deal with, on a daily basis. and yet, the only thing i feel i am doing well enough these days, IS NOT USING.
that being said, i can step back and allow myself a few minutes to catch-up and be right here, right now. most of what is going on, is a reaction to my SIXTH STEP, which when i enter one, teaches me a new level of what being humble and comfortable in my skin is all about. instead of going on and on, railing against looking humble and generally beating myself up, i will accept that right now, this is the reality for me and get rolling on what i need to accomplish today. there are not a lot of distractions or if i choose to a whole bunch of distractions today with it being election day. for me, i know how i am going to vote and i will cast my ballots and allow the outcomes to be as they will be, after putting in my two cents and when i get up tomorrow morning, i will start this gig all over again. it is a great day to humbly accept that i am part of a decision and not the force of that decision.
off to the showers i go!

∞ DT ∞