โ what a mixture of folks here in the fellowship! in any given meeting on any given night, โ
Posted: Sat, Oct 18, 2008 10:34:58 AM
one will find a variety of people who probably never would have sat down in a room together. well this was not the reading i read when i first got up this morning, so for the first few hours of my morning it has been a just for tomorrow program. yikes, what a difference to come back and read this entry about how i belong. switching gears from tomorrow to today is a slight jolt to the system, spiritually speaking!
so now that the confessional is done, just what do i think about belonging? well, i go down a different track with this reading. based on my current growth spurt, and leaving behind that stuff that no longer works for me, what i need to concentrate on now, is what is similar to the members of the fellowship with whom i share my life and my passion for service. right now, as the anger towards myself, starts to resolve, and as i continue the process of forgiving myself for being such a tool, it is easy for me to withdraw from the ‘nut cases,’ ‘control freaks’ and just plain sickos, that i can identify in the fellowship around me. how can i identify them, they are acting just like me! it is quite clear to me, how unpalatable those behaviors are when i act on them, so of course, as i identify those behaviors in others, the taste in my mouth is twice as foul. after all, they have more clean time and should know better…
…or not!
so anyhow, moving in acceptance has never been an easy project for me, but this morning accepting that i belong and that no matter what i am feeling about myself, i am the same as everyone else. my turn in the 5% that is not full of bullsh!t, comes and goes, just like everyone’s.
so it is off to get a bunch of work done this weekend, because that is what i have to do. yes be responsible and earn my daily bread, and take care of what is in front of me.
so now that the confessional is done, just what do i think about belonging? well, i go down a different track with this reading. based on my current growth spurt, and leaving behind that stuff that no longer works for me, what i need to concentrate on now, is what is similar to the members of the fellowship with whom i share my life and my passion for service. right now, as the anger towards myself, starts to resolve, and as i continue the process of forgiving myself for being such a tool, it is easy for me to withdraw from the ‘nut cases,’ ‘control freaks’ and just plain sickos, that i can identify in the fellowship around me. how can i identify them, they are acting just like me! it is quite clear to me, how unpalatable those behaviors are when i act on them, so of course, as i identify those behaviors in others, the taste in my mouth is twice as foul. after all, they have more clean time and should know better…
…or not!
so anyhow, moving in acceptance has never been an easy project for me, but this morning accepting that i belong and that no matter what i am feeling about myself, i am the same as everyone else. my turn in the 5% that is not full of bullsh!t, comes and goes, just like everyone’s.
so it is off to get a bunch of work done this weekend, because that is what i have to do. yes be responsible and earn my daily bread, and take care of what is in front of me.
∞ DT ∞