Blog entry for:

addiction makes us one of a kind. yes, i am just another plain old, ordinary, garden variety addict, no matter what title i may have worn over the weekend, or what particular bit of service i may have or may do in the future. i apologize to any of you who tuned into this channel over the weekend and did not get an update. my intentions as good as they were, to write before i got rolling each and every morning, just did not give me the time to sit down and contemplate and actually write about what i heard in my quiet time, in fact, i was so beat one night that <GASP> i did not even do a TENTH or ELEVENTH STEP.
as i expose my human self, i get what the reading stirred within this morning, a sense of belonging and the familiar comfort of once again being just another dime. quite honestly the biggest lesson i learned over the weekend was how to say thank you. i know that sounds so tries and simple, after all, that is one of the magic words that my mom hammered into me as i grew up. somewhere along the way, my ability to say thank you and really mean it got lost. when it came to someone saying something nice to me, i often deflect or minimize, believing that shows humility. when it is said in return for an action or a kind word from me, i minimize my effort by saying it was nothing, once again falling into that whole false humility trip. so learning how to say thank you and really mean it, for what it truly is, an expression of gratitude, was a good thing for me.
this addict, ordinary, extraordinary or whatever has gained a sense of what his SECOND STEP assignment is really all about, and after my weekend, i am finally clear on what i NEED to write and what that writing will contain. amazing as it is, i gained that clarity last week going into the event, BUT it took living through it to see how it actually applied to me. it is astounding how the steps work me these days, rather than me working them. regardless of what the speaker said on Friday night, i see that there is no timetable for arriving at a spiritual awakening that is spoken about in STEP TWELVE. it is not that particular destination that is important, it IS the process leading up to it. switching my focus from process to destination is what my current writing assignment is all about and i see now why it has been difficult to achieve. i have been all about learning to focus on the process, so switching back and forth between process and destination is hard for me. i also see that being so rigidly focused is no more healthy for me than ignoring the obvious symptoms of addiction in my life.
the weekend gave me new stuff to consider, some new direction in my life and most of all the ability to see that despite all my efforts there are things that can go wrong, and in the long run, it all comes out just like it was supposed to from the very start.
i know i have wandered afar from the topic of the reading this morning, what i heard and what was said is often two different things. it is however, not a bad thing as i have come to see that it is from this group of misfits that i gain what it is i need to survive and yes even thrive another day. i can accept that i am one of those people i never had any desire to be, and addict who has found recovery and is willing to do his level best to live an active program, at least just for today.

∞ DT ∞