Blog entry for:

who probably never would have sat down in a room together. i certainly would not be here, if i was not an addict in search of something more than mere existence. that is of course the difference between me and many of my peers. i want something more than the so-called life. i may not have wanted it way back when. i may whine, bitch and moan about what i need to do, to keep getting days in active recovery, BUT, the end game is, IF i choose to stop doing active recovery, i WILL sink back into the morass of misery that is abstinence or active addiction. i am therefore, linked to my peers, my friends, my sponsor and my sponsee, with at the minimum, a single thread, addiction and the desire not to use today. and yet here i am, five thousand, eight hundred, and eighty-one days later, still doing this gig.
i certainly have been wondering lately,m what it is that drives me to stay clean, day after day. after all, i have not used in quite some time, so i probably could use a little bit of sumthin', sumthin' with no grave consequences. while that may be true, today i am an active part of my life, my career and my relationships. recovery and the members who fill the rooms, teach me how to keep doing that stuff. i want more, just as any addict might, and have come to see, that more of life, is not only possible, but actually highly probable, if i keep coming, listening and doing the work to maintain and sustain my recovery. which lately, means listening to the bad examples as well as the good ones. all of them have something i NEED to hear, even if it is just a warning of what i could become.
anyhow, as wonderful as this subject is, it is the first morning of my winter driving commute, so i need to end with this thought. i may not have used with or hung out with most of my friends and peers in the rooms of recovery, before i got clean, BUT i am grateful that i have the opportunity to do so now.

∞ DT ∞