Blog entry for:

life on its own terms, a day at a time, sometimes an hour, or a minute, on the FAITH in the program of recovery that has brought me this far, is how just what i do these days. there is no secret sauce or hidden instruction manual, it just is. i did not get clean of FAITH, nor did i find FAITH in a HIGHER POWER based in the religious traditions that are part of my culture. i know that many are disturbed by that fact, even though in the program of recovery i live day in and day out, my concept of a POWER greater than myself, is totally up to me. that POWER, whatever IT may or may not be, does provides me what i need to be stronger than addiction and has done so, even long before i had any clue what It might be. upon that notion, i rest my life and until the day that i do not get what i need to stay clean, just for today, i will run with it.
i have already written that there have been times in the past six months when a brief vacation from my life, seemed as if it might be a great idea. the facts is, however, no matter how much i had the desire to do just that, my FAITH carried me through and when i peek back on those dark days, i am amazed that i did not rationalize away my recovery, for that instant of total oblivion. i am thinking of that because the latest addition to the men who call me their sponsor, ended up trading his recovery for a diagnosis, and when we meet next week, it will be an interesting conversation. it may be a very short relationship if we do not get on the same page, very quickly, as i am not willing to put up with the smokescreen he has erected around his addiction.
for me, at least this morning, i know where i am going and i am unable to see the shape of the unknown future, but i have come to a place where maybe less medical attention is better than more. there are processes going on inside of me that it behooves me to pay attention to, just as there are some that probably could roll off, into the bit bucket. over the next three months i will make some decisions, with the guidance of medical professionals, of what i really need to be watching in an active manner. there also facets of my life that i need to improve upon, especially my work ethic. on that note, it is time to suit up and tour the hood, briskly seeing the miles whisk by as i get my pulse rate up into the aerobic range, for an hour or so. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞