Blog entry for:

so one of the things i hear the most, especially from those who have been **around the rooms,** is how cliquish the fellowship seems to be. followed by ** i think they are all judging me,** and finally the unsaid completion ** and find me wanting!**
the latest version of this refrain came from a friend who believed that the fellowship owed them a place to stay overnight, and that showing up two days out of three was enough to look past their checked past. it was the member so f the fellowship that let them down and that they were entitled to **better** treatment, because at one time they had shown they could stay clean. they certainly, in my opinion, NEED to be here. they certainly, **fit in.** more importantly they need to, in my opinion, take stock and get off their fVcking high horse and take some responsibility for who they are and how they have treated others in the past. it is no different than me, getting clocked at 105 MPH (true story) and telling the office who is ticketing me, that i was driving the speed limit for the past five hours while visiting the state of Wyoming, so he would need to give me a break. the first part was true, the second, well not so much, i never considered that my past **good** behavior was somehow the magic eraser for my current **bad** behavior. i never though i was entitled to a special dispensation, because most of the time, i did drive the speed limit. i made a conscious choice to exceed the speed limit, knowing full well the consequences of my behavior, and because i did not tap dance or try to excuse my behavior, the cop cut me a break and wrote the ticket for 95 MPH, avoiding the tack on of careless driving, that he certainly could have added to drive home his point.
so when i hear those who sit at the margins, scorning all contact and diddling with their smart phones, whine about how cliquish the fellowship is, i have very little sympathy or empathy. i DO have empathy and sympathy, for those who actually try. those that get off their exaggerated self-importance and entitlement high horse, and help them become part of the group. more than once, i have seen loners, misfits, and the socially inept, come to the rooms, make friends and join us, as part of the fellowship, so it is hardly social skills, that are needed to become one of the **cool kids.** i have seen frequent relapsers, even those who cannot get **this** for years on end, finally come in, get clean and become part of the fellowship, so it is not necessarily continuous clean time, that does that trick. i what i am coming to see, as i reach down towards the end of this little tirade, that it is my job, to reach out. it is my job, to be inclusive. it is NOT my job to smack them in the head and say “HEY, a$$hole, if you want to be a part of us, make some fVcking effort, instead of standing back fuming in the premeditated resentment, that we are not doing enough to keep YOU clean!̶
yes, i belong, and so does anyone who choose to belong. the rest? well they will come and go, living in a seething sea of resentments and self-pity. me i will just stay and fit in or not, because i BELIEVE I BELONG!

∞ DT ∞