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one of the most attractive things to me about the fellowship that has given me a new manner of living, is that from the very beginning, there was no escape clause. i was welcomed with the notion that i could recover, unconditionally and without any caveats. it was a bit disconcerting because i believed i was “constitutionally incapable of being honest,” and that was going to be the loophole i would end up diving through, to go back to the “life.” i was quite certain i would never see five years clean, as this was a just a temporary detour that would soon be done and over. ironically, here is sit several thousand “just for todays” later, still clean and still an active participant in my own recovery. it is because i decided a while ago that i was good enough to keep coming back, and what i needed to learn was provided by my peers in the program.
this morning, as i have done nearly every day for as long as i can remember, i listened to what “belonging” meant to me and how it plays out in my life today. i can say without any hesitation that the very fact that i do sit and listen on a daily basis, is the result of those around me, telling me to never give up and to keep coming back, no matter what. forever ago, when i attempted to meditate, i considered myself fortunate to get five minutes of quiet time, and even that was not all that quiet. in fact, up until my last ELEVENTH STEP, that was as good as it got and i was certainly ready to join those of my peers, who were frustrated with meditating decided to move along. when i finally came to believe that i could follow a different spiritual path than my peers, i finally “got” how to “get quiet” for twenty minutes, every morning. i also remembered that my peers, kept encouraging me to find my own spiritual path and not rely on one borrowed from them. could and would recover in the creative freedom of what worked for me, and i am still here.
once again i have arrived at the place in this exercise where i really have nothing to add. i am clean today, because i chose a fellowship that has a message that says ANYONE can get this, no matter what one's situation is in life. i can be here and participate, just for today, without the fear that someone will tell me i no longer meet the requirements for membership. i am a member today and my good standing comes from the fact i have the desire to be clean and live a life of active recovery, even when the easier softer way would be to just walk away and see how the rest of the world lives. not a journey i choose to take today.

∞ DT ∞