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and recovery, certainly at least what i have in common with my peers in the fellowship. true fact, the friend and fellows addict i spoke of a year ago is still out and about, although sadly, they have given up on recovery for themselves true fact, a peer who came into the rooms over the summer is struggling to get one day clean. as their life spins down the drain, so it seems their willingness to be a part of the “No Matter What Club.” i do not see myself as any different than either of them, nor any better, as i get that recovery is not an easy choice to make, when one needs to take responsibility for one's actions and life. i get how hard it is, and i would be far from truthful if i said that i never had days when this recovery gig felt onerous and tiresome. when those feelings come upon me, i acknowledge them and move along, after all, more than likely, i will be able to find a bit of gratitude not too much further down the line, that i GET to live a life in recovery and i am no longer owned by my overwhelming desire to get high.
ironically there is a part of me that understands why a presidential candidate would be crying conspiracy and fraud. when i was out and about, it always was the fault of someone else, when things did not go my way. after all, i was who i was, and as such i DESERVED and was ENTITLED to love, respect and adoration from everyone with whom i interacted. when i did not get that, it must be because there was a conspiracy against me or they were just too fVcking stupid to grasp the obviousness of how great i was and how much of a blessing it was that i CHOSE to be a part of their teeny tiny lives for that second. yes i was certainly one sick puppy and when i got clean and reality started to ooze into my clamped shut mind, i was in for quite the shock, i was not any of that, life was not rigged against me and i had to become responsible and accountable for what i did. man what a bummer!
i may have had few choices when i got clean, but today and for quite some time, i have many choices on a daily basis. the one i consider least often is that return to the self-entitled narcissistic a$$hole that i once was. it is because i share those two common bonds with my peers in the rooms that i stay clean day, not despite them. will any of the newest members accumulate another day clean today? i do not know, i certainly hope so, two of them seem willing, one seems stuck in their own pile of shite and are not making their life any better. unlike a recovery thief, today i am willing to give what i have to help them get another day clean. unlike a recovery tourist i have a single promise to offer them.and unlike the poser, i have a bit of EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE that has come from living an active program of recovery and not just words on a page. most importantly i do not consider myself to be different from them. if pressed i would have to admit that the only difference is that i have more days between when i used last and today. all i have is today and for that gift, which was NOT given to me by a rigged election, i am grateful. it is after all a great day to celebrate my recovery.

∞ DT ∞