Blog entry for:

some seem to stumble upon it accidentally, others embark on a course of action, however fix-it-yourself techniques and trendy psychological cures can only go so far. the rest of the that journey has to come from within, and in my case was only through working the steps with a sponsor.
before i go on there is a bit of bidness i need to take care of:

Derek R
Congratulations on FIVE years Clean!
It is good to see you KEEP COMING BACK.

okay, this is one of those wacky days where the whole country does a time shift, it is always a mystery to me why this is necessary, and even why the populace even allows it to happen, year after year, but be that as it may, i will make the adjustment along with all the other inhabitants of my country and move on, even though it feels earlier than the clock tells me it is.
so what was the topic again? oh yeah, the journey of discovery to the land of self-esteem. for this addict this has been one of the most exciting and frightening experiences in my recovery. this journey, is still ongoing, but my focus has shifted to a different tack. these days instead of seeing qualities i like and admire in those members who are part of my life, i seem to be focused on the attributes that are in my opinion undesirable. then my course of action is to allow my HIGHER POWER to replace those particular defects with the spiritual opposites. when i feel disrespected, i try and modify my behavior to be more respectful. when i feel dismissed, i try to be more inclusive. when i feel taken for granted, i try and be more present and more giving of my time and attention. all of this contrary land thinking, is certainly changing the direction of my path, and in my daily inventories i am starting to see the results, i no longer have as much cause to beat myself up, and find a whole lot more to accept in myself, like in myself and even <GASP> love about myself.
the next question that pops into my mind, is how did i get to this place. well for me, it was this current set of steps that has brought me here. i know that what i am and have been going through, is a result of this work, and all of that is predicated on the work i did before. i keep thinking i may be ready to move on to the next step, but believe FEAR is keeping from doing so, i am starting to realize that i have a bit more work to do where i am. io have just started to take ownership of my daily inventory again, and not just phoning it in, to get the assignment done. the final phase is upon me, where i need to personalize it, so it is mine and mine alone. after all, i worth having my own personal daily inventory, which goes directly to the meat of the reading.
my path to self-esteem, is not affirmations in thew mirror, found in a bottle of pills given to by a doctor, or at the expense of someone else. it is through the course of step work i have undertaken and my guide are my sponsor and my HIGHER POWER. so i think i will leave it at trhat and go hit the streets before the wind kicks up.

∞ DT ∞