Blog entry for:

no matter my clean-time, to care of myself and foster my recovery, is a topic that often bubbles up from the depths as i sit in the morning. this morning, of course it was front and center. it is no0t as if i have stopped doing ALL of the things i once did to safeguard my recovery, it is more like my problems are hugely solvable and not nearly as ginormous as those of the newest of the new. that message is pounded into my head by my peers at nearly every meeting as well as what many take as “gospel” from the literature of this fellowship. the dissonance created by: “the newcomer is the most important person in any room,” and “our primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict who is still suffering” is enough to write volumes about. the fact that in the source material oi read this morning, that this happened to be addressed, is certainly a very good thing. before i go down the path of “gold-plated problems,” and whether or not i should be sharing about them in meetings, i have to stop and do a shout out to one of the men who calls me their sponsor:

Derek R,
CONGRATS on NINETEEN (XIX) years clean.
Thank you for keeping me honest!

i have always been of the opinion that the newcomer may not be the most important person at any meeting, as many of my peers are still suffering to a greater degree than the FNG. i know that my opinion is not amongst the most popular when it comes to this topic, but i have seen more than one peer leave the rooms and relapse because they did not let anyone in on their pain and suffering, deferring to the mythical needs of the newcomer.
bringing this around to me, because after all, this is all about me, 😉 today there are no problems in my life that i need to share about. it is true that my relationship with my Mom could be best described as strained and difficult. it is also true that i am being paid very well for a job that if they decide to bring me into the corporate fold will require three days of two hours on the road. i am, all of sudden, being of service to some of the men call me their sponsor or who i have sponsored in the past and i am a bit overwhelmed about how to best assist them as they deal with what is going on. none of these “luxury problems” are keeping me up at night and i am living a program of active recovery which allows me the freedom to ameliorate them. with that in mind, i guess i can say that even though my life is far from perfect and the “issues” i am facing today are not overwhelming, i am not the still suffering addict and i can allow myself to be of service to those who are, just for today.

∞ DT ∞