Blog entry for:

some days, it is just difficult to come up with something to write about. today is one of those days. i was hoping that as i walked through the neighborhoods, i would get inspired and yet nothing came. oh i could fill this space with bumper stickers, slogans, and clichés, but that is not who i am today. instead i will see what comes flowing out through as i pound the keyboard.
before i get too far out in left field:

Derek R,
SIXTEEN (16) years clean!
Congrats my brother, i am glad i am part of your life.

a couple of things have been rolling around my noggin this morning, the first being my contact with a peer, who is currently out and about. over the course of the day, there were a few text threads back and forth. i was not going to alter my plans to assist him in getting out of the unmanageability that he created, but if things had worked out, i was willing to help, just to show him that some one in the rooms, still gives two shits about him. in the long run, i had to do nothing but offer support and i am clueless if my “act of kindness” will tip the scale back towards recovery for him. i can tell myself my motives were “pure” and that i was not enabling him, and perhaps that is true. when asked about last night by my life partner, i clammed up and walked away. what i was afraid of, was an unpleasant conversation about motives and enabling. i may have been prepared to have that conversation, but it is not a bridge i was willing to cross late last evening.
today as i get my weekly chores completed, i am wondering how can i get out of the house and still get what i want to accomplish, accomplished. part of learning to love myself, is to take care of myself, as i walk through each day. some days, it means that i need to take a stand. some days, it means i pick and choose my battles. and some days, it means running away and hiding form the “boogie-man” of consequences. today, feels like a mixture of all three and as i navigate my way through the landmines that i have placed, perhaps i will come out on the other side, no worse for wear and tear.

∞ DT ∞