Blog entry for:

...of a Higher Power, the struggles of life do not have to drag me into the sea of despair. well what a wonderful thought to start this day. i know i say that a lot, and i guess that is a function of how my day is going so far. i have done a bit of work, the problems that developed over the weekend have resolved themselves and i am getting an excel;lent start on the pile of work i ignored since noon on Saturday. in fact, i am probably going to run through the little snow storm that is happening right now outside my window, but on that final note, more will be revealed.
so where the heck was i? oh yeah, my relationship with GOD that allows me to HOPE rather than to despair. as i sat and pondered this topic, i remembered what an addict said to me at a meeting the other night. he was asked to share for a function and i asked him how it went, his reply was. " i do not know, as i share for the newcomer."
what brings this back to me, is the whole mention of the ‘pink cloud’ in the reading this morning. i have come to the conclusion, that sharing for anyone but me, does nothing to help cushion the new guy for the realities of life once the inevitable happens, the cloud bursts and they are stuck facing life like the rest of us. when i share, and i do, often these days, i try and leave my head out of it and share from my heart. sometimes my sharing is glowing and spiritual, a beacon of HOPE and STRENGTH and in other times it is a vile puke. it is the latter, when i have to inject a bit of my head into what i am sharing, because no matter how heinous life is treating me today, there is always the HOPE that IF i stay clean, and IF i do what has been suggested to me, THEN i can find the HOPE that seems to be lacking in these apparently dark times. i know Pollyanna had a similar outlook. and sometimes when i hear those words come out of my mouth, i think what fa fVcking two shoes i have become, and want to act out just to prove that i am still rough and tough, nihilistic intellectual. no really i am serious here!
so anyhow, yes it feels like a good day today, yes i had an excellent weekend and discovered more than a few things about me and my sponsee from over the hill. and yes i am ready to run a bit of the crap i ate off my buns, snow or no snow. most importantly, i know where all of this flows from, my relationship with GOD, and my decision to turn over my will and my life into the care of that relationship. i am grateful for what flows from that relationship and the gift of life i have today. as one of my friends is fond of saying, it is a good day when i wake-up on this side of the dirt, and so it is!

∞ DT ∞