Blog entry for:

and has been for quite some time. today, however, marks the anniversary of the day i had to make a decision that my Mom was unwilling to make, specifically to bring my Dad home to die. oh i can tap dance around what happened. i could wrap it up in all sorts of spiritual and emotional camouflage. that, HOWEVER, does not change what happened or how i was brought to that precipice. life just happened and i had to respond as a rational and logical human being, to a situation that was far from rational or logical. choosing how and where to let someone die, is not for the faint of heart. i could easily say that was just the start of my amplified life on its own terms, but that would be more than a bit of over the top hyperbole. the fact is, it was just part of my life and i not only survived the experience, i grew as a result of it.
this morning, looking back and coming back to the here and now, i know that life does just happen. i do not need the shield of GOD's mysterious plan or destiny to feel better about what is happening in my life. as i much as i may wish to rail against the unfairness of it all and scream at the top of my lungs “why me,” i already know that no one ever guaranteed that life would be fair or just and i am not entitled to a life without setbacks, pain, misery or undesirable outcomes. i am just another person, walking on two legs through this slice of history, doing my best to cope with whatever comes down the path and thrive when i can. the fact that i have the ways and means to get through life's happenings without using, is a bonus, although there were certainly times in the past year when i truly believed a little dab would do me.
today, instead of heading into the office, i get to work from home, so i can care for my Mom's dogs. that is a gift, having the ability to choose to stay home and work, not having to care for some dogs. as a result, i get to workout instead of drive. i might even get to enjoy a cigar while i work today, as getting out of the house has been a good experience for me, these past few weeks. my plan of the day, has yet to be set into stone, but the one thing i am certain of, is that just for today, i will live a program of active recover and go to bed tonight, with another day clean.

∞ DT ∞