Blog entry for:

no guarantee that life will always go my way, BUT for this addict it is the only way that offers any HOPE. across the course of my recovery, i have come into contact with many theories, philosophies and psychological courses of action, that could make me **BETTER.** all of them have one thing in common: they all imply that i can think my way into behaving better. i have very little respect for affirmations and notions outside of the program of recovery, that purport to “treat” addiction, because they focus on mere abstinence from using drugs and leave everything else out of the picture. what does this have to do with finding a spiritual path the is GOD-centered? well, for me, without the structure provided by the 12 STEPS and my journey on a spiritual path,m i am quite certain that i would have used a long, long time ago. no power of positive thinking can change me from what i am. i may appear “normal” to those who were not around as i struggled to find recovery, but just as the characters on Grimm are monsters in human form, so \\am i. i may not be a werewolf but i certainly am not fit for the company of the other 85% and i can certainly be just as dangerous and lethal.
i know that abstinence is not enough for me, but without it, there certainly is NO HOPE. all the therapy in the world is not going to change that. becoming a part of an organized religion is not going to change that. rigorously applying this theory or that, is not going to change that. in fact, for me, only the 12 STEPS have EVER offered a path to becoming the person i have always wanted to be and replaces my desire to get high with something else: GOD. there i said it, make of it what you will, and of course you do understand that term mean the POWER that fuels my recovery, when i use it. yes becoming GOD oriented, only happens because of the 12 STEPS and the program of recovery i CHOOSE to live today. i do not need to seek alternatives, as this works quite well for me, even though some of the steps make me loo\\k at parts of me and my past, i would rather choose to pitch into the bit bucket. do i want to inventory my defects of character and the shortcomings that arises out of them? are you fVcking kidding me, of course NOT! do you for one second believe that i want to go back to those i injured and ask for forgiveness? not on your life. do you really believe that on a daily basis i have the desire to roll through all i did, and go back and admit when and where i did wrong? i am quite certain that my point is quite clear here. what i really want is just to be “normal,” barring that i will settle for freedom from active addiction, as i have yet to find anything that CAN and actually DOES remove addiction from my reality. that freedom, hangs in the balance and is only given to me by the program of recovery that i choose to live and abstinence allows me to walk this path, towards being GOD-centered rather than self-centered, in a manner that makes me proud to be me, most days, anyways.
anyhow, if JEDI mind tricks work for you, great. for me i am a firm believer in the 12 STEPS, ALL OF THEM and their affect upon my life. i am grateful i have found a path that can and does replace my need to use with a longing to find a spiritual solution to my daily problem: life as an addict.

∞ DT ∞