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there is always hope and that hope lies in my relationship with my HIGHER POWER.
so once again i am thinking about HOPE and where the source of my hope may and will come from. and no i am not talking about manna suddenly appearing to feed me as i lie on my bed waiting to be cared for. what i am talking about and more to the point of the reading is that if i am an active participant in my relationship with the HIGHER POWER of my understanding i will have the opportunity to have my needs met, whether through my own actions and abilities or through another means. which seems quite circular and brings me back to the whole manna concept, which i of course dismiss immediately, at least in my cosmology. no what i hear in this reading is that life is just life. stuff will happen that is not part of my plan. stuff will happen that i have not even planned for. and stuff will happen that i have planned for but comes at the way wrong (IMHO) time. life just happens. when that stuff happens, good, bad or indifferent, i need to go to the well and once again draw from the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN. no i am not the type that dismisses such events in my life by saying that the cosmic plan is beyond my human grasp -- it is. rather i look at it as part of the human condition. life on planet earth is brief and each moment that i breathe there is stuff happening all around me, and it is just that, stuff. as cold as it may sound, i believe that no matter what happens in this moment, i have the ability to handle it, because of the working relationship i have developed across the moments that comprise my recovery, with the same POWER that got me clean and continues to keep me clean.
and no i am not some sort of saint. when something unplanned or unforeseen happens and affects me in a manner that i do not like, i get angry, i get sad, and i whine and complain about how unfair life is. i do not believe those reactions will ever be entirely stripped from my repertoire of behaviors.after acting-out, and feeling those feelings, i can dip into the source of my HOPE that no matter what i will be able to stay clean today. and that is what i take from the reading this morning, i can be human and touch the divine, and yes the mundane world will touch me also, but i need not despair because the evidence at hand demonstrates that i will be cared for, if i allow it by opening my eyes to what is going on in the world around me. so off to face the world with the HOPE that i too can recover yet another day.

∞ DT ∞