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without insisting on getting my way, has not always been the basis of my recovery service efforts. currently my service efforts consist of carrying a message, in my home group, in jails and with the men who call me their sponsor. i left my last committee gig, after i realized that they have moved on from what i thought i had to offer. it had been a long time coming and it took a seismic shift in my attitudes to let go and allow a new generation to service to take over. realizing i was part of the problem, rather than part of the solution was tough. i may still have had some great ideas based on my experience in service, it was just that i believed i was ALWAYS correct and they were always wrong. for a change it was me creating dissension and chaos, instead of fostering consensus, so it was way past time for me to amble on. my only clue was the fact that i would fume about what occurred at the meeting for days on end and renting all that space in my head was far from the ways and means for me to foster balance in my life.
looking at my view to serve these days, i do not regret any of the choices i made while serving and since stepping away. some of my ideas are still being used, which suggests that maybe even though my motives were suspect, what i developed had a bit of staying power. today, as i prepare to watch a bit of NCAAW basketball, i have found a measure of peace in forgiving others for their alleged trespasses against me. i may never get what i want, but i certainly can look to myself t=and the POWER that fuels my recovery to get what i need, just for today.

∞ DT ∞