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what i needed most when i got here were new ideas, and yet my closed mind prevented me from taking in the very ideas i needed to live. okay, so i know most of you have no idea how early it is when i write this, so when i say the boss got me up early this morning and i am way ahead of where i would would normally be on a Saturday, you just have to take me at my word. precisely the problem i had when i came to the fellowship. oh sure, the members that were here seemed to be if not happy at least content with their lives. they certainly kept saying that they were free from the desire to use, and most of them did not think about using except in passing. they also chuckled and laughed when members shared about some of the ludicrous situations their addiction had got them into, before and after their clean date. most of all, there seemed to be a air of serenity surrounding them. still i was hesitant, at best to throw my lot in with them, after all, i was an independent, rational, humanist sort, who really was above and beyond brainwashing and superstition.
in fact. my mind was so clamped shut, i almost was too smart to recover. yes, one may say, that i certainly toe the party line in most respects these days, and it might even be argued that i am a mindless, superstitious clone of those members that were present when i first came in, and based on appearances, one might be correct. i have been known to spout a bit of DOGMA here and again, and i could rationalize that behavior by saying, i do so because it works.
however, that is not the point of this exercise this morning, the point is, once i opened my mind, just the tiniest bit, i was able to understand that this new life that i was being offered was mine for the taking. i did not need to swallow the whole package at once, nor did i have to give up my intellect or the ability to discern the truth, all i had to do was listen, AND if i wanted what those members had, i HAD to do what they did. so with that crack, the flood gate of recovery happened and here i sit today a few thousand days later, cone tent in being a member, and believing in the program that has allowed me to live. sure there were more than a few ideas that were tough for me to accpet, but the truth is, the ONLY idea i had to grasp and accept before i could recover, was that i might be an addict and i might want to do something about being an addict. the rest flowed form that tiniest of seeds.
so now that the dawn has broken, it is time for eme to hit the streets and get a bit more fit, after all, that is also a new idea, doing my best to extend the amount of time i get to enjoy a full and active life.

∞ DT ∞