Blog entry for:

admitting even the possibility of the existence a Power greater than myself. i can hear the bumper stickers and slogans rolling around inside of my head as i sit down to write this, as there are so many contained in this reading. i accept that and i can move on, into what that string of clichés and bon mots, are trying to say, namely in order for me to get FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION, i need to learn from those who have walked this path before me and those who are my peers in recovery today. my problem was, and continues to be, that i think i have learned all i need to know in order to continue my path in recovery, and quite honestly i know less than i did when i got here. yes, that was me using one of those old-timer clichés. sometimes, if you excuse the rationalization, they do just fit. what i mean by that is not that i have become less self-aware, less knowledgeable in what addiction is to me, nor more ignorant on how to combat the decay that the addict that is me, brings upon my spiritual state. in all of those respects i certainly know more than the day i walked in here, and will know even more tomorrow. what i do not know, is what is the will of the POWER that FUELS my recovery and how will that will be expressed or revealed to me today. what i do not know, is who will give me the vital clue i will need today, to follow the will of that POWER. what i do not know, is how and where i can be of service to my fellow members of both the fellowship and the human race. most of all, what i do not know is many of the answers to those and the myriad of questions that will arise across the course of this 24. what i need to know and want to know, can only come from letting go of my prejudices, my biases and my belief systems, long enough to hear what is being said to me. in short the very definition of being open-minded. the rub here, is i often confuse the vehicle for the message,. it seems that some of my peers never step beyond the slogans and the bumper stickers and insist on telling me how i should be doing this recovery gig. where i need to go, is to realize that no matter how ignorant they may sound to me, they are actually trying to tell me something i may need to hear.
yes i entered recovery knowing everything that i thought i needed to know, what i learned and continue to learn today, is that what i do not know is so much more than what i thought i knew, that effectively i know lee than i did when i walked into the rooms. what i DID NOT know way back when, was that the only way for me to stay clean, was not to use. simple, elegant and one of the most difficult ideas that was ever grafted unto my closed mind. however the hour grows late and i have to get out of the house and on to the road to earn my daily keep. something else that i am glad is part of my life. no i am not more ignorant that i was in early recovery, i am just moire cognizant of what i do not yet know.

∞ DT ∞