Blog entry for:

my basic nature changes, and i soon find my readiness is no longer sparked only by pain but by a desire to grow spiritually. so as i sit here this morning trying to balance work, and the stuff i need to do for service and for the little gathering i am hosting this afternoon, i am struck with an sense of awe about how far i have come. not only since i got clean and decided that recovery was thew path for me, but also in the past year or so, through the process of working the steps. honestly there as a time when the last thing i would have wanted to do, was to have my family come to my house as part of a holiday celebration. there was also a time, when the last thing i wanted to do on any given Sunday was to hang with my family at all.
how the process has changed me, not only do i want to spend time with my family these days, i am grateful that they are willing to come to my place for a celebration. not that there was anything ever wrong with my family, that is not part of just about every family, the problem, as i understand it this morning was and remains mine. it was a perception problem, the way i saw the world is and was certainly controlled by the self-centered nature of my addiction. you know that part of me, that i call my addict, just in case you were wondering my addiction to what. the last thing i wanted to do was to be gracious, after all, sullen rebellion seemed to work the best to keep everyone at a distance. i am no longer delusional about whose behavior was at fault, it was without a doubt mine.
so anyhow, i would love to go on and on about how my defects are being removed as i continue to apply the steps to my real life, but i have many more tasks to accomplish before they all arrive this afternoon, and i want to get them done. so off onto this dreary Mother’s day to get done what needs to get done.

∞ DT ∞