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not a very happy thought, on this sunny morning, in fact more than a bit sobering :)). but is that a fact or just a possibility? the reading and the literature do not address the issue of how long this removal process will take and when i ask other members, the pat answer is "it will happen in GOD’s time."
that is when i want to scream and say "wot the fuck!?!" what i want is an answer or two and not more semi-mystical, side-stepping, psycho-babble bullshit. and that frustration with pat answers has forced me to seek some of my own, so that when i am asked the question, i can give a more satisfactory answer. in fact in my experience, i have found that the length of the removal process is directly related to the level of my willingness to surrender. the sixth step does not say that our character defects will be removed, what it does say is that i became (note the past tense) entirely willing to have them removed. it is in the seventh step that i do the work necessary for the garbage disposal process to happen -- humbly ask!
i guess ‘wot the fuck’ is not an expression of surrender or of humbly asking anyone, anything. so what is this addict to do?
well for one i can inventory my level of willingness. am i ENTIRELY ready to have ALL of my character defects removed? right here, right now, the best answer i can give is maybe. i am certainly tired of more than a few of them, like arrogance, conceit, judgementalness and being self-absorbed. but there might be one or two that i am still a bit fond of, even though i cannot name them at this moment. so in this brief two line inventory, i have answered the question -- yes i am ready to have my character defects as i see them removed. and the difference between what i say and what the step says is what turns this process into a lifetime of garbage disposal instead of a single cleansing flush! after all as a sponsee reminded me last night, i can only be who i am and trying to be someone else is counter-productive and really not the spiritual path i need or desire to travel today. so off to the showers to hurry up and wait for the delivery man to arrive (and the garbage to be taken out).

∞ DT ∞