Blog entry for:

where i was fearful, i find courage, where i am selfish, i find generosity and most importantly where i was empty and alone, i now find comfort and companionship. as i sit here this morning, trying to get more done than i really have time for, i am struck with the prophecy of this particular reading, and how it has come true across the course of my recovery. once i was as certain that there was no hope for me as i was that the sun would rise in the east, each and every morning. i believed that i was doomed to a miserable existence, clean but in constant unrelenting pain, as i no longer had the means to numb away those uncomfortable feelings like remorse and guilt. i felt like i could not change my behavior, so i had to feel the blows of every little act of the part of me i call my addict, forever and ever more.
so when i finally went through the sixth and seventh step process, for real, imagine my surprise when i discovered that did not have to be the case! yes, what i had dared not hope for, was coming true, and as i walk this path, i see more and more of it manifesting in my life today. there is of course, a cost to getting here and going there. that cost? continued application of the spiritual principles embodied in the 12 steps. i cannot continue this journey without the willingness to do ever more. the consequences, using uncontrollably as i return to the shell of the man i once was, are beyond what i am willing to pay today.
for the first time i actually heard the part that said as my readiness grows, i become more motivated to grow spiritually than by pain. i was just saying the other day, that i wished that my recovery work was motivated by more than my pain, and here it is in black and white, in the same prophetic reading i once dismissed as impossible for me. so if the first part of the reading about having my less than savory characteristics be replaced by spiritual principles can come true for me, and it has, then there is no doubt that moving from a pain based program to a desire to grow based one, can also come to fruition. there is of course the same old caveat, IF I REMAIN WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! the rewards of staying clean, in just another day clean, HOWEVER, the rewards of applying the steps in my life is my continued transformation into the man i have always wanted to be.
on that note, it is time to walk off yesterday's calories and get headed down the road of accomplishing a few tasks this morning.

∞ DT ∞