ฮฃ sometimes i may think the only way i can feel good about myself โฆ
Posted: Thu, Jun 4, 2009 09:02:55 AM
...is to make someone else look bad by comparison. self-esteem that is purchased at the expense of another is hollow and not worth the price.
as i read this little ditty, i was struck by how far from being the man of my vision i have been the last few days. not that i was that much more selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and self-entitled than usual, but more than enough to need to check what is going on inside. it is ironic, how the little difference in my behavior show up these days in my daily inventory and morning meditation. that is of course a good thing, i GET to catch problems when they are still in their early stage and perhaps make the adaptations to the underlying causes. of course what doe any of this have to do with purchasing self-esteem at the expense of others? well the example given was gossiping, and i have not gone there, YET! i have been somewhat of an emotional bully, and the cause of that i think is a diminished sense of self-esteem. that lack seems to be tied to the fact that my income has been lessened over the past month, and although i would deny it, i really do care about how much dinero i appear to be pulling in. YUCK!
so the solution? well i do have a step writing assignment that is covered with a few inches of dust, that i might actually start writing on. i do have a couple of projects that need to be started in the background, that i have been pretending do not exist. i do have a few sponsees who need a little bit of sponsor prodding top get moving. there are a few yard and home improvement projects that need to be done. and of course there are projects in service that have been languishing on my desk for months and what feels like centuries. so more than enough to do, to restore my sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. what do i see in the near future? well a trot around the hood, a morning in the gar shop, a concerted effort to clean off my desk, mow and trim the grass, and walking the dog. perhaps at the end of all of that a bit o the step work this evening, at the end of the day i am certain i will be better off spiritually, than i am right now, and who knows perhaps the bully will return to his hiding place once again.
so off to the streets and into reality again.
as i read this little ditty, i was struck by how far from being the man of my vision i have been the last few days. not that i was that much more selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and self-entitled than usual, but more than enough to need to check what is going on inside. it is ironic, how the little difference in my behavior show up these days in my daily inventory and morning meditation. that is of course a good thing, i GET to catch problems when they are still in their early stage and perhaps make the adaptations to the underlying causes. of course what doe any of this have to do with purchasing self-esteem at the expense of others? well the example given was gossiping, and i have not gone there, YET! i have been somewhat of an emotional bully, and the cause of that i think is a diminished sense of self-esteem. that lack seems to be tied to the fact that my income has been lessened over the past month, and although i would deny it, i really do care about how much dinero i appear to be pulling in. YUCK!
so the solution? well i do have a step writing assignment that is covered with a few inches of dust, that i might actually start writing on. i do have a couple of projects that need to be started in the background, that i have been pretending do not exist. i do have a few sponsees who need a little bit of sponsor prodding top get moving. there are a few yard and home improvement projects that need to be done. and of course there are projects in service that have been languishing on my desk for months and what feels like centuries. so more than enough to do, to restore my sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. what do i see in the near future? well a trot around the hood, a morning in the gar shop, a concerted effort to clean off my desk, mow and trim the grass, and walking the dog. perhaps at the end of all of that a bit o the step work this evening, at the end of the day i am certain i will be better off spiritually, than i am right now, and who knows perhaps the bully will return to his hiding place once again.
so off to the streets and into reality again.
∞ DT ∞