Blog entry for:

**negative** sense of self, without others paying the price. as i sit here this morning a couple of things have bubbled up to the top of my stack. the first being getting through my feelings about the latest resentment meeting and how, if it does not succeed, will that affect my home group. that one, i have decided to leave on the side of the road and see what happens. the second is the issue of trust i have with a long-suffering addict, who appears to be doing their level best to stay in the rooms and actually work a program of recovery. the odd part is that i am quite certain i have heard this sales-pitch before and i want to reach out to all of my peers and say exactly that, stay away, far away, because this is all a shell game and will end up costing you, when the whole sh!tshow comes falling down around their ears. what i have not done, is repeat my misgivings to any of my peers, as i have finally learned that what i think does not need to be shared. the question that both of these “events̶w1; raised, is why i am so passionate about either one of them.
the fact of the matter is meetings come and meetings go, and if they are supported they stay. other already see that the motives for the resentment meeting are at best “mixed.” others already get that the “reason” advanced is projection from someone who is not in a committed relationship on to people who actually are, and is just the smoke and mirrors to ride on the coat-tails of someone else's hard work. it will be what it will be and regardless of my opinion, they are blind to the fact of what they are doing and choose to wallow in their ignorance.
on the other issue, part of the problem is that i am not allowing them the opportunity to show me the changes, as i am all wrapped up in hearing the same old rap about how this and that is evidence of a fundamental shift in what they are all about. i am the one who is unwilling and closed-minded to whatever change may be occurring, because i cannot let go of their past. i keep coming back to the “stop talking about what you are doing, and just do it and allow the changes to become evident.” my job is to put aside my bias towards my peer and their past and look for what they insist is happening. i can certainly say that keeping my distance is helping to to find the balance i am seeking in this situation. just for today, i can let the world spin as it will and find the balance of being whole, by not trying to prove that something does not exist.

∞ DT ∞